dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Dignity is for republicans.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
