i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize