You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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