the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
