Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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