We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
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Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
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Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
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