Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
i now understand why vodka
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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