Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
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well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
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if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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