I can tuck mytits in my pants
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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