My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
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