apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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