Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
