Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
We're too hungover to prance.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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