You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
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