My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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