so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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