dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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