this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
