Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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