Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
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I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
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He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
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