The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
