You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
