Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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