He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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