ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
