Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Randomize
