If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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