Your mouth is God's brothel.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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