It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
