Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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