He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
