I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
