you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
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Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
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It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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