What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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