i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
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