Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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