Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Randomize
