Well apparently he's into motor boating.
The maid of honor just puked.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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