Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
i out mim tonsoeep
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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