Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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