well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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