haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
you guys were way drunker than both of me
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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