Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
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