i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
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