Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
