I got chris browned last night
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
