You really coming over, don't trick.
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Randomize
