I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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