My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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