Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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