we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
