Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
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