I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
