When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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