Fine. I'll sleep in my office
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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