What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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