forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize