So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
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