aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
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she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
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Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
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