I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
