I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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