oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Is Oprah even human
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
