its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
